Oh My (Poetry)

Oh my its all I can say, I met you and from the first you stole my breath
I did not see you for what you were worth, but I took heed of what was before me eyes
You gave me honesty in abundance, because its who you were
You gave my body adoration , because it was what I needed
You fed my mind not with just compliments but intelligence and for that I say Oh my
I look at you and see what I forgot I wanted
You remind me that its their maybe just hard to find
You showed me that there is a complimentary force that exist for me
You make me say Oh my

Why do name tags say Hello my name is ……, I mean if someone want to know my name just ask and well if your not inclined to ask then should you really no my name. Also we all have a voice in our head in our hearts whatever a voice that helps tell you right from wrong, my question is how many of these voices do you actually have and what sex are they, I mean do you give the voices in your head identities. Currently I am at work trying to find something to do, I have nothing to do and while there are more efficient uses of my time I can’t leave work without losing pay. But what if I am advanced and I have already done my 8 hours of work today, I do the same job in 5 hours in what it use to take one man 5 days and I get more done on the job than he ever did. He set the bar low I perform and exceed standards and still have lots of down time. So does anybody have any idea of what I can do with the down time? I feel like life should come with a hand book I mean really, sitting here day after day I truly understand why people go crazy, this is plum insane and I cannot in good sanity (which is questionable) cannot knowingly encourage anyone to seek a job in government. All government when you get down to it has turned out to be pretty inefficient, don’t get me wrong I love police and fireman when something go wrong but do we constantly need to add to their ranks year after year, when crime has not increased, when there main focus is providing a continuing revenue stream for a cracked judicial system. I mean really I want my policeman solving murders not bothering me about vehicle renewal. Any whom back to government workers, they the government, basically force you into a know win situation. I mean it’s not like you can negotiate the terms of your employment and turning down a job in this economy is ludicrous. Also there is this manager that constantly walks by my area and he mentioned that I might want to change my screen or stop being on facebook. Really, I understand what he’s saying but A why are you always looking at my computer screen, my screen is not in your direct line of vision and if your monitoring my computer time shouldn’t you monitor everyone else’s who is actually in your department, which your not. Hey maybe you could stop stomping around and go do your job, hummmmmm. Again all my 40 hour a week work gets done and I do it as soon as I hit my desk so what if in my spare time I chose to become enlightened on the computer. I mean you could let me go home and get my cleaning done or better yet you could let me work from home and then you would never have to see me but no this makes to much sense. Oh why can I do my job so fast, well because for one I have a computer and I no how to use it efficiently, I know how to type, therefore modern technology has taken the previous 8 hour a day job and reduced it to half the time if the person is efficient and sense working out of my job description has done nothing but lead to disastrous circumstances I don’t help others anymore at work. Hummmmmmmmm, Another day.

Disclaimer: If you don't like what I post and find that this is some freaky sort of violation of rights let me know I'm old enough to discuss your concerns with you. Also this post is not for everybody so if you read it and don't like it then this post was not meant for you to read and you should have stopped immediately reading and not went any further. I am not legally responsible for any opinions expressed by the author cause I don't want to be.

Enuff

I call and out and shout and speak as loud as the wind in the twister
But its not enough for you.
I write you and tell you all that is on my mind and in my soul
But its not enough for you.
I dance and bend my body to the rhythm, to the beat, I even stand on my toes
But its not enough for you.
My soul decides to sing a song to stroke your ego
But its not enough for you
My soul decides to face you head on and look into your eyes
But its not enough for you
My soul decides its had enough of showing off for you my soul is weary foolin around with you my soul gives up trying to be enough for you.
SRJ

DEPRESSED

I was given a brain, a brain to control my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If my thoughts, feelings, and emotions run rampant does that mean that my brain controls are off? People, random whack ass people, suggest that your state of mind can be controlled by flipping on some switch in the morning that says be happy. Be happy you’re not sick, be happy you’re not poor, be happy you’re not childless, and be happy because somebody has it so much worse than you. I say to myself really, I’m not allowed to be unhappy because somewhere in the world someone is suffering at a level that I may or may not comprehend and this is supposed to make me happy. I say no way, no how, not buying it, what I am going to say is that they to have the right to say hey this sucks. Now you may be wondering why I’m going on this little self pity party rage, but its simple I’m unhappy and if I could fix it lord knows I would fix it but it all just seems so inevitably impossible. I mean really first we have the dead end job that is not moving backwards nor forward cause the economy is at a stand still. Okay yes I can apply for jobs but I have no clue what to apply for or where to go, the only clear thing is that I am unhappy in my current circumstances. I want to lose weight, but I have the self control of a fish out of water lying on the edge of a lake. If I can get to the food I’m going to eat the food, especially if it’s in my control. So who can really feel sorry for a fat girl wanting to lose all the while stuffing a Twinkie in her mouth, the answer not a damn person and that is my problem. The weight problem consumes most of my waking time unless of course I’m distracted by being broke. The perfect segway into the next disastrous area of my yet unfulfilled 31 year old life. I have no money, I live paycheck to paycheck, I have no school loans and a law degree that I can’t do shit with. I was bamboozled, lied to, run amuck, education was a piss poor investment of time and resources that I did not appreciate or use to my full advantage. Oh but I did finish my education that is to be commended I just can’t seem to do shit with it. Oh they say work at a firm, what firm wants me? I’m good and can do the work but it doesn’t mean they want a woman my age without any specifically tailored experience. Oh why don’t I just start my own practice, um first off, almost all of new businesses fail, second I have no desire to, third I need family insurance, and fourth I need clients, and fifthlet’s just say that idea is more than a notion. I guess by this point your probably starting to pick up on a theme, which is I make excuses. Believe me I get tired of hearing my own excuses I have so many of them and they suck but that doesn’t make them any less true and or believable, there real and rationalized and depressing. Frankly I must stop writing as I thought this might make feel better but it has not, nor has praying, nor has meditating (not that I gave this a fair shot), but each of these activities have succeeded in only making me feel worse.
I’m out.